Today is Thanksgiving, the official kickoff of the holiday season. And while so many families with children get excited about the holidays - the time spent with families, the food, the music, the toys - many families with Autistic children have mixed feelings. Individuals with Autism and their families often face challenges during this time due to sensory sensitivities, changes in routine, and social expectations. The good news is that some thoughtful consideration and advance planning can help ensure a more comfortable and enjoyable experience.
The first challenge with the holidays is that they pose a disruption to routine. Not only are the children off from school, but they also often have a break from their therapies, are exposed to strange smells, foods and textures, and deal with family members which whom they may not interact daily. These changes can pose serious challenges for people on the spectrum who thrive on routine and predictability.
As with all changes in routine, the first plan of attack is to prepare for the disruption. Simply talking to the child about the holiday and what to expect can be extremely helpful and can alleviate anxiety associated with unpredictability. Explain where you will be going, or who will be coming over, talk through what foods will be served. Incorporate a social story to help the child feel better prepared and, if it's possible, it can be helpful to prepare some of the meals in the weeks and days leading up to the holiday so that the smells and taste are not unfamiliar by the time the holiday rolls along. Try to keep a similar routine on the actual holiday - again, to the extent possible - so that the holiday doesn't pose such a huge disruption.
Secondly, depending on the developmental age of the individual, it may be difficult for the individual to participate meaningfully in the activities planned for the gathering. It can be challenging for the hosts to plan activities that engage rather than exclude their Autistic loved ones. Thankfully, there are ways that activities can be adapted to make it for your Autistic family member to participate. For example, this year, for the first time, we used a gratitude spoon. Becca had decorated a wooden spoon at school, and we used it as a talking piece. Before we had our Thanksgiving dinner, as we sat around the table, each of us took a turn with the gratitude spoon and shared what we were grateful for. So, in advance, I created a Thanksgiving folder in Becca's AAC device giving her a menu of Thanksgiving-related icons to choose from; including her favorite things to do, her favorite foods, and phrases that would be helpful for Thanksgiving Day. When she had the gratitude spoon, I asked her how she was feeling and what she was grateful for. She was able to participate with the rest of the family - and shared that she was grateful for "family", "toys", and "pasta".
Incorporating AAC may not be the only way to adapt activities. Adding sensory items like stress balls, slime, sand or other fidgets may help keep Autistic family members engaged during activities. Adding a calming space where the individual can go if he/she needs some alone time can also be helpful, since too much sensory stimulation can trigger meltdowns and shutdowns in Autistic individuals. Providing information to your family about your Autistic child's needs in advance can also be helpful. For instance, if an activity relies on music but your child is sensitive to noise, then having noise canceling headphones available can alleviate any potential issues. If the activity relies on sitting in a chair but the child has challenges sitting still, then perhaps having a rocking chair can help keep the child in place while still allowing the sensory input that is needed. If the activity is holiday baking or cookie decorating, but the child is sensory seeking and would rather rub the frosting on his body instead of the cookie, then having a smock available to protect the child's clothing and maybe a small bin filled with water and toys can help provide sensory stimulation while still keeping the child's hands clean and frosting-free. It's all about giving careful consideration to the activity that is planned and working together with the family to think through ways that you can provide the sensory experience that is needed in a safe and engaging way. You will find that many activities require only minor tweaking to be adapted effectively.
Lastly, don't focus so much on everything being perfect! If it's Thanksgiving and the child doesn't want to eat the turkey, it's okay. Always make sure that regardless of what food options are being served on the holiday that the Autistic individual has their safe foods available, especially if he or she is a picky eater or has issues with new foods and new textures. It's more important for that person to feel safe, secure, and included with his or her family than what is on their plate. Understand that plans may need to change on the fly, that you may need to modify the celebration based on the child's comfort level and that you may need to offer a break if the child is showing signs of overwhelm or overstimulation (see my post regarding overstimulation here). Do not force your child or any Autistic individual to participate in an activity - even if it has been adapted to facilitate their participation. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our Autistic loved ones just need to engage in activities that spark their specific interests, and that's okay! Allow them to bring their preferred items and their preferred activities. They will serve as an alternative to whatever is happening at the celebration and can bring ease if they are feeling overwhelmed or anxious. The important thing is to prioritize their comfort and well-being over our expectations of what the "perfect" holiday should be.
For many, the holiday season is often a mix of joy and stress, especially when routines change. But by focusing on these strategies and others, families can create an inclusive and meaningful holiday season for everyone involved. So, cheers to the start of holiday season 2025! May it be a season of blessing and delight for us all!
